Ok I didn't came up with anything good for the title xD
So~ I was just sitting in my bed and was duddling around on the internet when I thought *hey! I haven't blogged in a while xD' So I decided to write something… just a little bit :3
Today my school starts again T______T
But it will be fun :3
I'll get meet new people since there's a new girl in our class, be with my old friends, being very bitchy agains the boys, sing out loud on the bus to the gym with my fiends, and some other things ^^
The inly bad thing is that I'll probably will fall back to the dark… where I just came up from -.- *dramatic music xD* No but seriously I think I will go back to being depressed again, school makes me depressed T^T
And I have been watching 'Adventure time' and 'Courage (dog? xD)' and I'm totaly addicted to it now XD
It's so funny x3
And Before this comes to an end I want to share this little music video with you :3
It's a song by Arisa… but I don't know what it's called -.-'  xD


Anyways… I have to go to school now ( ; ; )
But I look forward to it :3

Bai nii~! ^^

Rest in Peace

Right now... I'm really sad.
Today I found out that Isshi have  passed away.
He died 18 July by unreleased causes.

Kagrra was one of the first J-rock/Visual Kei band I ever heard
Kagrra was one of the bands that brought me up from the dark.
Together with Gazette, Kagrra saved my life.

So now I will go and pray Isshi... even if I'm not religious.

Rest in Peace ♥

Prt3! 8D

soo~ Yesterday I finisht prt3 of WIWY 

aand? I'm gonna put it here now! (^o^)/ and I'm like *Yatta yatta* 

sorry it just had to be done xD
okeej~ but what have I done these days? >>
I been out... traveling... to some places I don't remember right now xD
and... I'm stalking a girl (as usual XD). I've ben stalking her for... a half-whole year now? xD
and I think she reads this blog too >. >
ok I'm sorry I just need to do this now
 not as good as on dA but yeah... whatever
soo maby you wan't to read now....
bur I warn you... this part contains nothing but sex XD
but you know you want it 
ok... I'm gonna stop to bother you now xD
here you go ^^


When I'm with you. prt3

He stared at the naked body who laid under him. The skin matched the honey blond hair perfect.
”I have to admit that I’ve never seen such a beautiful person in my entire life. Do you know that you have the most beautiful body, the most beautiful face, the most beautiful voice, the most beautiful eyes on earth?”
”No”
”Well you have.” he bent down and started to suck lightly on his neck. Uruha let out a little moan.
”You like that hu?” he said. His face went lower down and met Uru’s cock. He smirked and kissed the tip of it. This send a shiver through Uruha’s body. He continued to kiss and lick the tip until Uruha whispered.
”Can you... take a little more?” Ruki smiled to himself and put more of him in his mouth and started to suck gently. He put his fingers in Uruha's mouth for him to moisten them.
Uruha gasped as it suddenly  became cold around his now hardened member, and the fingers slipped out of his mouth. He knew what was coming next and tried to relax as much as he could. Ruki’s breath appeared by his ear.
”Promise me to tell if it hurts.” He nodded as an answer.
Ruki, slowly, put one finger in Uruha. The feeling of having something inside him again made him make a sound. A sound of fear, not the kind of fear he felt when he was going to get raped, but a sound of fear you make when you wan’t something really bad, but you’re afraid that it won’t work.
”Are you sure you wan’t to do this?” Ruki asked a little bit worried after the sound Uru made.
”I don’t think I ever been this sure in my whole life but... I’m just afraid. But I” he didn’t got to finish sentence since a big moan escaped from his mouth when Ruki started to move his finger around. In and out, around in circles, lightly touching the entrance. All this made him moan loud and arching his back lower down, desperate to have more.
”Oh god Ruki! It feels so good!”
”He!, and the real thing haven’t even begin yet.” he grinned and added a second finger. This time he wan’t gently, he pushed them right in without warning. Uruha’s eyes flew wide oped and his mouth fell open, he looked at Ruki.
”I’m sorry Ruha... I should have warned you”
”Don’t... apologize. It hurt’s but... oh - god!”
”Hehe, it seems like we have a little masochist here.” he showed a pervert grin and was now thrusting his finger in and out of Uruha ”you loved the teasing, right?”
He didn’t got an answer from Uruha and thrusted his fingers hard one time. ”Right?”
”yes!”
”And now, even when it hurts, you want it and love it... right?” he asked. Uruha seemed to like pain, which actually  was a little strange since he have been raped many times. He had been afraid that it would hurt and now when it does, he likes it.
Ruki stopped the movement and spread his fingers apart from each other.
Ruki took his fingers out of Uruha. He licked his lips and stared at him with lust in his eyes.
”Yes?” he asked. Uru nodded and was going to sit up to kiss Ruki’s lips but he got pushed down on the bed again.
”Wait for it…” he said and smiled.
Slowly, he pushed in to Uruha and started to thrust gently. He bent down and kissed him pasionately. He will give Uruha everything he want’s. Even if he has to wait, he will get it.
Ruki thrusted hard one single time, Uruha screamed and grabbed the sheets. He went back thrusting gently.
”God Ruki! More!” he yelled. Ruki thrusted hard again, if his lover wanted it he was going to have it. Uru cried out loud, it did hurt like hell, but he loved it, and it wasn’t the same pain he got when he was raped. He knew that Ruki would stop the hard movement if he just told him, they wouldn’t, they didn’t. If Ruki tortured him, he would stop if he just told him to, they wouldn’t, they didn’t.
Ruki, on the other hand, didn’t like to see Uruha be in pain so he stopped to thrust hard, even if he had asked him to. Uruha looked on him with big eyes, filled with want. He grabbed Ruki’s neck and pulled him close.
”Ruki… I beg you… please… harder… faster” he said, panting.
”But I’ll hurt… you then”
”I wan’t it”. Ruki didn’t answered but picked up on speed, thrusting harder and deeper.
Uruha whimpered and moaned for every thrust and both of them were going to their climax. He cried out as his inner muscles tightened and he came over his and Ruki’s chest. Moments after, Ruki released inside Uruha and fell to a pile on him.
They laid there, panting, covered in sweat, for a minute. Recovering their breaths.
”I love you Kouyou” Ruki whispered.

Hii~ ^^

Hellu! ^^

prt3 of WIWY (when I'm with you) will be a little late since I'm nor writing from my own computer... I'm traveling around in Europe right now but I'm back in sweden, to my own computer, next week 8D
Hope you can wait ˆ ˆ
But it was almoste done when I left home so when I get back it will be here soon

That was all for now xD
just one cute little pic of the wonderful little man called Kai ^^

mihihihihi!! My cousine went craze when she saw this picture XD

but I understand why... HE IS SO CUTE!! 

bai nii~ ^^

Prt2 is done!! \(^◊^)/

Ruki and Uruha sat in the taxi on way home. 

Ruki was playing a little with Koron and Uruha was just staring at him. He was so happy that he finally had understood that he was in love with him, and that he loved him back. Ruki suddenly stopped playing with Koron and looked at Uru.

”Can I sleep at your place?” he asked

”Sure! But then we need to go the market and by food for Koron and us”

”Us?” Ruki said surprised. ”I understand Koron but.... no way! You don’t eat?”

”Yes I do but... maybe not as much as I should... and if you are going to stay at my place I need to buy food so you can eat.”

”What the hell Uru! Ok, the first step in our relationship will be to make you eat as much as you need to, got it?”

”...” Uruha looked down. He understood that Ruki only wanted his best but it seemed like an impossible thing. Start eating properly... when he haven’t done that for almost three years.

Ruki sighed and moved closer to him, wrapping his arms around him.

”You don’t have to answer, just nod if you understand that I’m going to make you eat because I care about you. Do you understand that?” Uruha nodded slightly. He did new that Ruki was going to force him to eat because he loved him, but it felt like a punishment.

Ruki let him go but was still holding him with one arm.

”Come here Koron” he said and pat on his lap. The little dog barked happily and jumped up in his lap, licking his hand. Uruha couldn’t help it but laughed at the little dog who now was jumping around like crazy in his owners lap, chasing Ruki’s hand. Ruki put it down and let Koron bite on it as he leaned his head against Uruha’s shoulder and sighed. 

”What is is?” 

”Nothing special... I’m just tired” He answered.

”U sure?” Uruha looked down at Ruki like if he was lying.

”Yes I’m sure” He looked up at the honey-blond and kissed him.

The driver coughed as their kiss was getting more passionate

”We’re here” he said, getting a little uncomfortable with the two making out in the same care as he sat in. Uruha opened his door, paid the driver, walked around the car, opened Rukis door and said goodbye to the driver. Ruki skipped out from the car and glomped Uruha from behind as the taller and older was walking away.

”I thought you were tired.” Uruha teased

”I was tiered... I get tired by sitting in cars”

”And you want me to believe that?”

”Yees~. Anyways do you have your money with you? We need to go to market as fast as we can.” Ruki said to change the subject.

”Why fast as we can?”

”So you don’t run away or so I don’t forget it” 

”Run away?”

”Yeah! You know when you move your legs and are going faster than when you walk?” Ruki  was only teasing with Uru. He knew exactly what he meant, how was he going to run away when he know that Ruki is faster that  him and where would he run? 

”I know what run is but”

”Ssh love. What I mean is that you won’t run and hide you somewhere I can’t find you or lock in your self somewhere. I’m just teasing with you.”  Uruha looked down and grabbed his keys as the were getting to his front door. Once he opened the door, Koron run straight in to the house

”Koron come back here!” Ruki screamed after him, a little embarrassed over his dog.

”It’s ok. He can stay here while we’r at the market.” Uruha said calmly as he grabbed his wallet on the hall table.

When they came back from the store Ruki went straight to the kitchen with the food and started to cook. Uruha came in not long after, he sat down on one chair and let his head fall to the table. Ruki heard the sound of his head hitting the table but ignored it since he was to busy with the food, he wanted Uru eat as fast as possible. As he was humming on their latest single when Koron came in. Uruha looked down at the small dog and smiled, he stretch his hand towards the little dog  who gladly hame to him and jumped up in his lap. Uruha patted him but stopped as he remembered that he need food and water. He stood up, grabbed two bowls, poured some water in one and food in the other. Once he had putted the bowls down, Koron ate like he haven’t seen food in three years.

”I hope you’r just as hungry as him” Ruki said and put the food on the table. Uruha turned around and saw the food, it looked delicious but he didn’t felt like eating.

”Nee~ Uru-chan,  are you going to eat? If you’r not hungry I’ll make you hungry...” Ruki said and grinned.

”H-how are you going to make me hungry?” Uruha said, a little scared of his lover who now showed a big, pervert grin and was walking slowly towards him. Ruki was now right in front of him laid his arms around him and pulled him into a kiss. He slid one hand under Uru’s shirt and let it stay on his chest

”Does this tell you something” He mumbled agains Uruha’s lips. ”Mmm~ but... I’m not sure. Ruki.... I’m scared” He whispered and his eyes started to fill with tears. This would be his first time with someone he loved, first time with someone that really loved him. He was scared, because he didn’t know how it was going to be, if it would hurt just as much as it had done last time.

”Why? I’m not gonna hurt you, and you know that.” 

”But I’m scared anyways. I don’t want it to hurt... and I think it will, cuz every time I’ve been fucked it have hurt more than the previous time.”

”You’ve been fucked many times?” Ruki said surprised. Uruha couldn’t hold it any longer, his tears started to roll down his cheeks. He loosed his grip around Ruki and fell to the floor, crying, hugging himself. His whole body was shaking and he had hard to breath through all the sobbing. All the seance he had bin through came back to his mind, taking over his brain, tearing him apart. Every single move, every single sound was there. He screamed by the pain all memories brought to him, he held his head between his hands, just like he was trying to smash the scene that was playing in his head.

”Such a cute ass you have” the man said and smocked my butt. I wanted to punch him but I was told that I would loose my job if I did... and I needed money. I tried to ignore the man who was all around me, touching me, disturbing my job, sniffing my hair and even now licked my neck.  

”You know it would be a real pleasure to fuck you.” he breath against my ear.

”I’m sorry sir, but I’m not that kind of worker.” I said as calm as I could, but I was scared. I knew he could do anything he wanted to do, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it since I’m smaller and probably much weaker than him. He grabbed my hair and turned my head towards him.

”What did you say?” he asked furious ”you work here and that means I can do whatever I want with you. And don’t you try lying cuz I know you work as a whore. Now... drop the glass you have in your hands or I’ll make you swallow it” I dropped the broken glass I was holding in my hands, the glass I just picked up from the floor. I gulped hard as the man was leaning forward to me, pressing hid lips against mine. The  taste of alcohol and tobacco made me push him away without thinking... BIG mistake. His grip of my hair tightened and he started to drag me out of the building. 

He dragged me in to a parking house and when we came to the top floor he pushed me do the ground. I hit my head agains the cold, hard ground but I was to scared to move. My eyes was becoming full with tears, my head felt like it was going to explode by all the pain.

The man looked at me and laughed

”Stop crying like a baby! You’r a whore, you should be used to this” he said as he was undoing his belt. I looked him, I was so scared I thought I would die.

”Take off your pants” he ordered. When I didn’t move he came to me and whipped me right in the face with his belt. The pain was unbelievable.  Another  wave of pain hit my face and I know he’d whipped me again.

”Are you deaf? Take off your pants, whore!!”  I din’t want to... but I didn’t want to be hit but the incomprehensible pain again. Slowly, I started to undo my pants. 

Once they were of the man grabbed my shirt and pushed me agains the bars who was covering the windows. He brought my hand together and bonded them to the bars with his belt so I couldn’t escape. I felt his hand slid down my back cupping my ass.

”You know what I like most about your ass?” 

”N... n-no” I said through all my tears who flowed like rivers over my cheeks.

”It’s that I know... that for the moment, it’s only mine, it can’t escape, it belongs to a whore...  And a whore can’t tell me what to do or not to do. So I can do what ever I want to.” He laughed. I felt how his cock was rubbing against my entrance, and then.

”EEAAAH!!!” I screamed loud by the pain. This was hundred timed worse than the pain in my face. I wanted to die but all I could do was to think about something else, but it was hard, the pain was to big.

The man had been thrusting hard and fast from the beginning... but now... he was even worse. He groaned loudly and spanked me.

”P-pleas... s-s-stop” I didn’t know if he heard me but if he did.. it was only to hope that he would show mercy.

”Shut up whore! I won’t stop until I’m finish. So just shut the fuck up! YOU’RE MINE! GOT THAT!?” I did’t answer.

After what felt like forever he finally released and pulled out. He untied my hands and I fell to the ground, no wanting to see anymore. The man laughed once again and squatted down beside my head, grabbed my hair and forced me to look at him.

”It was a damn good ass to fuck you had, tight and all. You know what? I think I’ll come back fore more later, and I might bring some friends to. It would be a shame to not use your cute, tight ass right?” I didn’t answer this time either. I closed my eyes, wishing that this was just a bad dream. ”Look at me you fucking whore!!” he screamed right in my face. ”I’ll come back fore more tomorrow, and I’ll bring about 5 friend.” he spat in my face ”bitch...” was the last thing he said to me before he left me, on the top floor, in the parking house. I felt the warmth from my blood and his cum was spreading around me.

That was the first time Uruha got raped... and it was only the beginning. 

Just as the man said, the next day he came back... and he had 4 friends with him. They tied him up, but this time they carried him to a house.

It was a nightmare that he could never wake up from, a nightmare that came back every day, a nightmare that lasted for hours every day. 

And the worst part was that more and more people started to rape him. One time... it was around 20 people on one night

Ruki got panic when he saw his lover cry and scream on the floor. And he didn’t know what had happened. He bend down beside him and hugged him gently.

”Uruha... it’s ok. I won’t do any anything, we don’t need to do any thing. Tell me what happened.” he said and his hug tightened.

”I-I  h-h-have... ben r-ra” he couldn’t finnish the sentence. He looked at Ruki. His eyes was red, his face was wet from all tears, his hair was a mess and his voice could barely be heard after all the screaming and hard sobbing. Ruki bent down and met his lips, as soft as he could. He felt how Uruha suddenly pushed him away, his eyes were wide oped and filled with fear.

”Pl-pleas... don’t  h-hurt  me” he whispered.

” I won’t hurt you, I’ll never hurt you. I love you. Uruha, love... It’s me, Ruki.” he said and looked at the man in front of him. When he said that, it was like Uruha came back to reality and he relaxed. Ruki hugged him tight and kissed his lips. He opened his mouth and let Ruki take control ever him. He was everywhere in his mouth. Uruha let out a small moan and was now completely relaxed. Ruki broke the kiss and looked Uruha deep in the eyes.

”Uruha... this seems to be really serious. Do you think you can tell me what happened?” 

”Umm... can we eat first?”

”You wanna eat?” Ruki asked with a big smile on his lips. Uruha nodded. Ruki gave him a last kiss before helping him up from the floor. 

After the dinner Uruha felt like he was going to explode because his stomach was so full.

”Are you sure you gave me a normal fill?” he asked.

”Yes. And normally, you use to eat dessert after this” Ruki said and laughed ”But you don’t need to eat that”

When they had done the dishes they went to the living room and cuddled up in the couch. 

”Do you...?” Ruki asked. He didn’t want to push Uru but he felt that he needed to know what had happened.

”Yeah... ok... uhm... I used to work at a pub.” he started. 

He told the whole story for his lover. There was a lot of breaks. Some breaks was because it was so hart to tell that he cried, some was because Ruki kissed him to calm him down or to remind him that he was there.

”...so when I had enough with courage I talked to my chef. He understood what was going on and told me to quit the job and that he still would give me money even if I didn’t worked there. So I don’t work there anymore. All wounds have healed but the scars still remains... but my mental wounds... I don’t think they’ll heal, ever” he said after one hour.  Ruki was stunned. ‘How could you let it go so far... without doing anything.’ He thought.

”For how long haven’t you worked there?”

”Like 1 year or so.”

”May I ask you one thing more?”

Uruha nodded.

”Is this why you were about to commit suicide?” he was quiet ”You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Ruki said 

”I’ll tell you... some day” he whispered. Ruki hugged him and kissed him. He responded the kiss and, once again, opened his mouth, letting Ruki take control over him. He felt how Ruki pushed him down on the coach.

”Ruki, I...” Uruha bit his lip ”...I wan’t to try. I wan’t to feel how it is with someone who don’t rape me, someone who won’t torture me. I wan’t to know how it is when you do it with love” he looked Ruki deep in the eyes. He was just about to answer when Uru attacked  his mouth. He tried to break the kiss to answer but Uruha grabbed his hair and pulled his lips even harder his lips. Ruki laughed agains Uru’s lips ‘are you really that desperate? well in that case... I can’t say no’  he thought as he got off the sofa and carried Uruha to the bedroom. ‘ And thank god that you’r not heavy, just tall, and that I know where your bedroom is’ . He opened the door and threw Uru on the bed. 

”Now my love. You won’t regret this, I promise” He said while he crawled on the bed. He grabbed Uru’s head and pulled him in to a kiss.

England ^^

Hii~
So now I'm in England (have been for 3days and will be for one week XD). And tomorrow we (me and my family) will go to London 8D
but I have no money v___v
I spend all of my money in France XD
 two dresses and two blouses from Baby the Star Shines Bright and POFF!  everything was gone XD
But I had saved money for it for one year so yeeah.

But anyways! ^^
I'm gonna go to bed now (gotta get up early in the morning XD)
Oyasumi nasaii! ^^

Bai nii~

Stockholm XD

@Nashimoto, yes he does belong to Ruki but I was in the mode where I'm like "OMG URUHA GOME AND TAKE ME RIGHT HERE AND NOW 8D"
so yyeaaahhhaa XD
and thank you soo much!!
I feel so retarded  -.-'




Buut today! ^^
I've been running around like a freak in Stockholm seartching for CDs with Gazette XD
I know I know it's just to by them from the internet but it's more exiting to buy them in a store xD

aand I'm soon done with the next part of my fanfic ^^ Yay!
but I feel so horrible v__v
You'll see why when I put the hole story here. but for now... you'll just have a little part fom it

”You’ve been fucked many times?” Ruki said surprised. Uruha couldn’t hold it anylonger, his tears started to roll down his cheeks. He loosed his grip around Ruki and fell to the floor, crying, hugging himself. His whole body was shaking and he had hard to breath through all the sobbing. All the seance he had bin through came back to his mind, taking over his brain, tearing him apart. Every single move, every single sound was there. He screamed by the pain all memories brought to him, he held his head between his hands, just like he was trying to smash the scene that was playing in his head.

what do you think? ^^

anywaaysss~ I have to go now
bai nii~  ^^